#1: It’s Okay to Not Be Okay (Transmutation of Thought in Real Time)

Despite my huge smile and fairly positive demeanor,—to be honest, I do not know fully if this is still the impression I leave on people since the 2020 pandemic began, I’ve changed a lot—I often do not feel that I have it together. Who gave me the right to be a life coach? What qualifies me to aid people in their process of self discovery? How can my life experience be useful for someone who is completely different from me? These are the types of questions that beguile (Is that even the correct way to use the word? It just popped into my head :3) my mind when I mentally prepare for a coaching session or to attempt to promote my business and brand.

My confidence withers as these questions circle my mind and I usually end up scrolling through Instagram instead of posting to build my brand and watching The People’s Court instead of a business enrichment video on Youtube. It’s pretty depressing to admit, but when I write this, it seems I give up before I even try.

Maybe I should go back in time to when I was a little girl…my father abandoning my mom, 2 sisters, and me clearly took a toll on my self worth. I mean, if my father didn’t want me, what good am I to anyone else? I believe this feeling inspired my shy, quiet, bashful nature…I did not want to be noticed by others and believed that no one could truly enjoy my company. So I went on this everlasting mission to make sure everyone enjoyed and liked me, which often meant, I’d put my needs, my ideas, my will in the background of what I perceived as others’ worlds.

Experiencing an introverted moment while hanging with my cousins as a toddler.

Okay——so the way God works, I am being completely vulnerable with myself while typing this post and that allows me to connect with my spirit or God within. In the first paragraph, I asked the question, “What qualifies me to aid people in their process of self discovery?” I went to Facebook to find a childhood photo to place into this blog post and as soon as I login, there is a memory post from 5 years ago of me answering this exact question! The EXACT question. It is like my spirit dug up from the universe exactly what I needed to knock out this nonsense lack of confidence I’ve developed in my purpose. Here is the video post for you all to see:

I answered the question, “what qualifies you?” 5 years ago in a talk series I used to do while driving to work.

Essentially, this post did not go where I thought it would, but is ending up exactly where it needs to be. I realize that when I question myself and have a lack of confidence, it may not all be nonsense…it could mean that I am not doing something for myself, I am disconnected with my true self, my soul, my God within. How do I know that is the case? Because I was just shown that I have the ability to answer my own “impossible” questions when I tap into my purpose and the knowledge I’ve already gained about life. In the Facebook post, I discuss purpose, the science of movement and thought, and how to apply it to our lives. This is me at 23 being the life coach and driven business owner that I (by title) am today, but (by spirit) have lost confidence in. Well, not anymore! I can study this video over and over, but I also need to engage in the spiritual activities I was consistent in back then so that I can unlock 23 year old Atiya J.

What I have learned is we truly do have everything we need to improve our lives and be the people we wish, dream, and hope to be. Confidence is not from others, it is from being in tuned with your TRUE self. Meditation, prayers, early rising, reading spiritual books, journaling, sitting in nature are not just healthy mentally, but spiritually enriching and satisfying. Finally, be vulnerable…with yourself! Ask the questions to yourself that you are afraid to ask because the answer is exactly what you need and it will be given to you, God willing that we are receptive enough to receive it.

I am grateful to you for reading this post and allowing my words to connect with you. I have always wanted to be consistent with a blog, so feel free to email acourseofaction33@gmail.com with your feedback about this post and questions that I can answer.

May you find peace, love, and light,

Atiya J.